I Am Gateway > Ned 

To truly feel alone in a world filled with people is a tragic thing. But to be rejected and abandoned leaves you believing that you truly have no value and that your existence on this earth is purely nonessential.

The fear of the unknown keeps you from leaving this world and yet the realization that no matter what you do or where you go, you are invisible and inconsequential. Such was my world as a teenager in the late 1970s.

I was aware of the existence of God from my childhood but always regarded him as far off and unconcerned about me personally. I did realize with great fear that should I leave this life, our meeting would be brief and unfavorable for me. If no one in this life cared for me, why should he?

After leaving home at 16, I spent the next two years reinforcing my addictions and wandering the streets... and really the whole east coast. Truth be know, I was desperately searching for something and yet, I didn’t know what.

Upon my return to New York in the fall of 1980, a series of events began to unfold that was to lead me to the very heart of what I was so desperate for. I was adrift in a daily pursuit to escape this reality and simply moved in response to the tides around me. One thing after another began to happen until I found myself back in New York and in the city of Schenectady.

At the city mission I began to have hope. People in my life began to show genuine concern for me and overlooked a great deal to see the person inside crying out. The human spirit is a powerful and awesome thing, as scared as my heart was, I stilled dared to hope. I was able to get help and training that led to a full-time job and an apartment. It was at this time, I received a letter from my grandmother. Although I don’t remember much, I do recall her asking me to go to church somewhere. I thought it was strange at the time since I didn’t think about God at all.

Then one night at work after my break, I made a simple statement out loud to noone in particular. I said “I think I need to go to church.” A man that worked there named George overheard me and invited me to come to service with him. After weeks of excuses, I finally went.

That night on October 7^th 1980, George picked me up. I could not be conscious without some substance in my system. I could not function or sleep without it. As we entered the small conference room at a local hotel where they were having service, I thought I’d run at any moment. I sat there with about a dozen others, and they began to sing. Without the aid of musical instruments, they sang simple songs of the love of Jesus and how grateful they where for his grace and mercy. At that moment, the hardness of my heart melted faster than wax in the flame and the hope that laid dormant in my soul reached for the one they where singing about.

As the tears ran freely, I lifted my hands as I reached for him. I had never known that Jesus Christ was searching for me and that night he flooded my soul with his Spirit and wrapped me in love so profound it is unspeakable. I knew nothing of him or his desire for me yet as I surrendered my life to him and his Sprit filled me to over flowing the effects of the drugs I was on left my mind and body. I stood there sober and in my right mind for the first time in years.

I left that meeting and also left my former life. I was born again of the water and the Spirit and the chains of sin no longer bound me. I left my addictions and my old life style that very day and began to fall in love with Jesus Christ who truly was my savior.